Is it over yet?

It's hard to believe that this was just one week ago! Since then, we've been pretty much in the 50-60 degree range, with one day actually hitting 80! And now, finally, all our snow is GONE! So, (oh let it be so) this will be my LAST winter picture for a LONG time!

The house has been abuzz with contractors coming to check out our driveway and also the unfinished basement wall and chimney. We are going to replenish the shale on the driveway - it's been pretty bad for several years, but THIS year - well, we're down to the MUD. So the shale lasted for 20 years or so. One guy wants to rebuild the whole driveway for, like, 5000 buckaroos. Uh, no. We'll try another 20 years worth of shale, thank you very much. (We'll be outta here by then, anyway, one way or the other - more on that later). And then we're also going to cover the outside unfinished basement wall and chimney with stonework. Okay, fake stonework - but don't tell anyone, cuz you won't be able to tell. We made a "fake" brick hearth for our cookstove indoors (so it wouldn't be so dang heavy) and it looks great. Oh, gosh, please don't think it's that plastic crap. Ewwwww. No, it's like stone, just very thin.

Okay. So, Chris and I were talking several months ago (yes, we have spoken to each other since then, too!) and I mentioned something about wanting to live in this house until I die. Because I just love it here. Love it in the woods. Love the utter seclusion and privacy. And he goes, "you won't be able to live here after I'm gone". Uh, excuse me, WHAT? How DARE you! Hmmmmmppphhhhhhhhhh........ (read: indignancy and pouting)

So this is how my mind works. I need to chew on things a while. (Dustin is the same way, I've noticed.) And since that conversation, I have come to realize that, no, I won't be able to live here without Chris. Not unless I re-marry some 30-something little chore-boy man or something. Ha! Not bloody likely! Even Chris won't be able to live here in another 20 years (or less) without a chore-boy. Also not bloody likely.

So, we've actually discussed of late the long term plan of selling this house and downsizing. Well, down-maintenancing. There's just too much HARD stuff to do around here. And, to retire comfortably, it would probably be a good idea to get a low (or no) maintenance kind of place so that when Chris goes (cuz men usually go first - statistically speaking) I can still remain independant. Yes, I realize I could be drooling in my plate next month, but, I guess that will be Chris's problem! :) But, I mean, Chris rented the ol' carpet cleaner yesterday and did our downstairs carpets and last night his exact words were something like, "OW! Argh! This is the LAST time I'll be doing these carpets myself". See? If we're going to have to start paying people to do stuff, well then we might as well move to a much smaller place - all on one level with no wood-burning furnace, no treatable logs, no driveway to shovel, no grass to mow, no chimney to clean and no carpets. Hmmmm, is there anything like that other than, say, the Lycoming County PRISON???

Well, we always dreamed of going to Ireland to live. Do they have retirement condos there? I doubt it. One little town we visited in northwest Ireland only got electricity in the 50's. I doubt that they have retirement condos. If I can't be in the woods, I'd like to be on the water. Like on our beloved Pine Creek or on a beautiful lake or even the ocean. But no, we're not moving to Florida. I still want the four seasons. Oh well, There's lots to think about. We're going to formulate a 5, 10 and 15 year plan. (It's all in God's hands, yes, but it's fun - maybe even wise - to plan ahead, anyway.)

For now, we're just happy it's spring!

Well, it's official...

I've given notice at work. I have 37 days of (paid) work - EVER - left! I finally got ahold of my boss today and told him that May 10th (the end of my scheduled semester of work) will be my last day. Wow. It's real now. I'm beside myself with excitement in looking forward to what my "free" life will be like.

Of course, I had a "free life" for 24 years when I decided I should go back to work - four years ago. Chris and I both agreed that it would be a good idea for me to go to work just so we could start saving up some retirement funds. The deal was I'd have to find the "perfect" job in order for that to happen, though. So I prayed and God most definitely answered. This has been the perfect job for me. I love what I do at the college (Athletics secretary), I work in a beautiful environment and I have the greatest boss and department staff ever. I will honestly miss them all.

But out of unforseen and unhappy circumstances has also come blessing and we are so grateful that now our retirement isn't as much of a concern anymore. Simply put, I don't have to work!

I'm experiencing the whole "the grass is NOT greener" thing. What I had before I went to work was what I now realize is best for me. But, God really gave me a gift in this job and I'm so glad I've had the experience there. Besides the great people I've met, I've learned a lot about myself. I've learned that I do have half a brain (though it's been leaking out with the estrogen lately...) and that I'm pretty darn good on the computer and that I DO get along well with others, by gosh! And working has also given me a perspective on my previous "free" life that I wouldn't have had otherwise.

I've also learned that I really am a homebody. I miss being in charge of my home. I've found that I can't work (even part-time) and keep up my home the way I'd like (and the way that it should be kept). And, since Chris IS home 4 days a week, a lot of the household stuff has fallen to him (i.e. cooking, dishes, bedding changes, floors). But there's just stuff that he doesn't do that simply doesn't get done if I don't do it. And it's so hard to come home from work tired (yes, even with a part-time job) and still have to do the stuff I must do. Anticipating being home full time again, I actually look forward to cleaning my house again. (Geesh, did I actually put that in writing?) And I want to take control of my health, too. Get back into meal planning, cooking healthy meals and exercising. I miss my lengthy quiet time in the morning and SOOO look forward to that again. I look forward to lunching with my friends and having time to serve in other ways in my church and community. And, now that I'm a scrapbooker, I have a ka-jillion projects swimming around in my mind, dying to get out. I may need to make more trips to Madison (to visit my mom) in the future and I want the freedom to do that. And, while Chris and I are still upright and walking without assistance, we want to travel any old time. And head up to Pine Creek on any beautiful day of the year. And go out to breakfast if we want - on any of his days off. And so on, and so forth...

Freedom. It's a beautiful thing. I need it. I thank God I can have it. I am truly blessed.

We're expecting!




New furniture, that is!

We began the search for new living room furniture and we were having trouble finding something that a) we liked, b) was the right color and c) we could actually sit on (to test out) in the store. But today we fell in love with this new baby! We knew we wanted a sectional, and we would have preferred it to be a little more "red" or I guess it would actually be called "burgundy", but this set is "black cherry" and since we didn't have to order it to be made and then fret over the arrival time (since we were literally on the brink of un-deliverability by June 8th) and also since we could actually sit on the piece instead of ordering something from a catalogue, we compromised on the color.

But not on the style, baby! We love this one. Love the sleekness and how it's tailored, low-backed and doesn't have all that pouffy stuff on the arms. We are also adding 2 seats to the side without the chaise and then, the whole thing will actually be flipped around in our room from what the picture shows.

And then, if the sectional wasn't cool enough, we found this awesome ottoman - elsewhere in the store - I mean, they're aren't part of a set or even by the same company, but the color and style match is spectacular. AND the thing opens up in the middle so you can store stuff in there... I love how you can put your feet on there, but can also slap a tray on there and still use it as a coffee table...

And then, it's going to be held in the warehouse until the middle of May, so it can be pretty brand spankin' new on wedding day. Oh, did I mention that this is part of the "house-fixup-for-the-wedding" project? Yep, the wedding is our excuse to fix/replace every crappy thing in our house. Well, on the first floor, anyway, which is all most people would see.

So, we came home very happy today and are excited to welcome our new addition home in May.

I found out about this link from a favorite blogger's site. You can download, for FREE (and for your own personal use), some way cool vintage and artsy stuff. Check it out! I'm happy to participate and celebrate a little o' the irish!

Hey, how do ya like that?

I decided to change the look of my blog. A little more muted. A little easier on the eyes. Yet very pleasing. I like it. No more red or green text, though.

My head is still like a fuzzy balloon today. I just can't sleep with it like this. I hate that. I even missed Praise Sunday today - for the very first time ever. I LOVE Praise Sunday more than anything else at church. I know everyone survived just fine without me. It's good to know they can. I guess. Ok, I admit I hope they missed me a little...

But my ARM. It's totally whacked out! I had an inkling something was wrong last night when I tried to move a pillow (regular size, not gargantuan or anything) and I felt some pain in my left arm. But then it got worse in the night. I couldn't sleep on my left side. (I actually couldn't sleep on ANY side, but I've already said that.) And by morning, I had to get out of bed before the alarm (which was for just in case I had a miraculous sinus drainage in the night and could actually go to church in the morning) even went off. Because my stupid arm hurt so much. Like, all the time, not only just when I move it! What is up with that?? I came downstairs and took some Ibuprofen which took forever and a day to kick in and now my arm only hurts when I MOVE it. Not good. (Yes, I can type without moving my arm.) Chris thinks it's some muscular thing - as opposed to a heart attack or some other horrific thing that we can't even think of.... Geesh. How will I go to work like this??? I'd love to try to go to a meeting at church tonight - but how can I take a shower and wash my hair and FIX my hair and get dressed and put on make-up? All those things definitely require MOVING my arm!! Well, Chris put the ki-bash on me going anyway. He says I should rest it as much as possible. Normally, I would love to have orders like that, but, well if you read my last blog entry, you know how I feel about that...

I'm falling apart, people. Not fun. Not happy. And do you think my back likes all this sitting around? I don't think so. My lumbars and my tailbone are NOT happy! Good thing I'm married to a chiropractor...

Aaaaccckkkkk! But I DO like the new look of the blog, don't you?

I'm home sick.

Not homesick. Home. Sick. As in laying around in bed and feeling like crap. When I'm not sick, having a sick day sounds like an inviting idea. But when I am actually sick, it really sucks. Because a sick day sounds like it could be a fun day - filled with laziness, coffee with your newspaper, devouring a novel or, of course, scrapping. But actually being sick? Well, I'm doing real well on the lazy part. It's taking every ounce of energy I have to hold my head up and to work my fingers on the keyboard.

Oh, it's nothing serious. Just a sinus thing where my head feels as big as a watermelon and throbs and aches and my left nostril is burning as is the back of my throat with post-nasal drip. Then there's the snorting and blowing and, well, I'll stop there. All so fun. NOT!

Being sick is such a waste of a perfectly good day off.

Scrapping again!

It feels sooooo good to be scrapping again. Not that I haven't enjoyed working on wedding invitations and an album project I'm in the middle of - but just to scrap a page for the love of it. It's so great.

I like to go to The Dares for inspiration and did that for the page here. The challenge was to dust off the old "deco" scissors (the ones that cut the different edges) and use them creatively. I also "scraplifted" (perfectly legal and even encouraged in the scrapping world) a layout from a recent BasicGrey newsletter. So it was fun and I'd been wanting to scrap this photo of Matthew and Martha. Pure scrapping pleasure!

All my invitation papers have arrived, so now I can get to work cranking those babies out. I found out my spring break from college is actually a week later than I thought it was, but that actually will work out better, because we have a concert about 2 hours away in the middle of that week. It would have made getting up for work difficult the next day.

We have a great concert coming up this weekend. Newsboys, Cutlass and Stellar Cart - all rockin' christian bands. And it's right here in Williamsport. And, the really cool part is that we are bringing Dustin and Judy along. Can't wait to share that with them. I know how great the Newsboys are - have seen them in the same venue before. Can't wait!

Happy ValenSNOW Day!

Yes, the best present of the day is that the college is closed and I'm OFF today! I LOVE a snow day! Because it's like a bonus day in your life. It's a day you had planned to work, but, now you don't have to, so, you have NO plans!!!! YES! (Fellow scrappers, you know what this means!) Okay, okay, I am going to do the church banking (after I get done foolin' around online), but then there are hours ahead of me that I plan to fill with scrapbooking enjoyment! What could be better?

I'm in LOVE with this ValenSNOW Day!

Check out that gorgeous door!

Actually, it's the same sliding glass door that I posted before - but now it's got the grids in it. Wow. I'm loving the difference this makes! The grids actually make the doors appear larger, more opened up.

And the wedding-beautification project continues. Now that the wedding is actually less than 4 months away, I have to say, I'm beginning to get a little panic stricken. It seems like there's a LOT to do yet. Around here, anyway.

I have made progress on the invitations. I'll post a picture of one when I get them finalized. I love how the "mock-up" turned out. Actually, I did two, but am going to end up doing a combination of the two for the actual invite. I ordered all the paper goods this weekend. (Like double envelopes, invite card, response card and vellum envelope for that.) I just ordered them in plain ecru and then I shall make it beeeee-utiful! I'm excited! M&M are getting the final numbers for me this week, along with just the right wording and then I'm planning on whipping 'em out during my upcoming spring break.

Speaking of break, we may have one around here on Wednesday. There's a potential nor'easter coming with a "plowable" snow expected Tuesday night into Wednesday a.m. I say bring it on! We are WAY overdue for a good snow (and a day off work/college!). I love being snowed in - for a day or so, anyway.

Back to work and then at 3 p.m. I can go gaze through my beautiful new sliding doors!

80 and counting…

Every day since my last blog we’ve gotten cards in the mail (We’ve also received flowers, food, gifts and assorted hugs and verbal expressions of sympathy – so wonderful, but obviously not daily.) But the cards. They keep coming. You wouldn’t think that a little piece of paper with a store-bought saying would mean so much. You wouldn’t unless you would be the recipient of said paper. Because each card, some with personal notes, but some just signed, is like an individual hug from the one that sent it. And in this situation when it’s often so hard to think of just the right words to say, a hug speaks volumes. They are so comforting. If anyone reading this has any doubts about the meaning of sending a card, please let me dispel them all. It’s so worth the small amount of time it takes to do it. It means so much.

How many times have I said to myself, “I think I’ll send a card” and then haven’t done it? It’s such a simple gesture and so easy to do (and I love to make cards in my spare time!). I have no excuse. I am humbled and challenged. I will do better.

William R. Barlow, Sr.
October 17, 1923 - January 28, 2007

He's gone. We all feared it with his recent surgery. We celebrated when he survived the operation. We were joyous when we heard the very unexpected and un-usual news that he was cancer FREE! Our hopes were up, but for those of us who spent the last week with Dad, there was a fear, pushed down, decisively ignored. And, our worst fears came true yesterday.

Without going into great detail, I will say this. His heart - and perhaps first his will - gave out. We knew his heart was not good. A dr. told us a year ago it could stop anytime. He had a pacemaker and congestive heart failure. It was a hard week for him. And yesterday morning, after being taken to the ER after a rough night, his heart just quit.

And our hearts are broken. My heart is broken. He was more of a Dad to me than he'll ever know. But God knows. Because God brought me in to this beautiful family and gave me the gift of Mom and Dad Barlow. My loss isn't lessened by being an in-law.

Our grief is momentarily relieved by the wonderful knowledge that we know for sure where he is now. Thank God, we know for sure. Thank God for promises in His Word that assure us of this.

And we are cheered when we think of him being with Mom again. He was never quite the same without her. He missed her dearly.

Life with Dad was a joy because he was a joy and a sweet-heart. And we will miss him dearly. I miss him dearly.

Life with Dad.

It's all about that this week. He was scheduled for surgery next week to remove a cancerous tumor from his colon. But when the dr.'s gathered that he was having abdominal pain, they moved the surgery up a week. This, after fooling around for over a month - he was diagnosed in November. So all the schedules that had been re-arranged to accomodate Dad's surgery were all for nought. I ended up taking the day off on Tuesday to take him to the hospital (40 minutes away) and spent exactly 12 hours there. He never got back to his room until 10 p.m. But it was a blessing that he got back there at all, with having a bad heart and all.

Wednesday Chris and I went to visit as soon as I got home from work. He was doing remarkably well - at that point not even 24 hours after surgery. He was like "super Dad". Pretty hyper and a bit confused. We were able to speak with the doc at around 8 p.m. He said the tumor was much larger than they realized. And he had a cement-like abdomen from a previous colon surgery (to remove a cancerous polyp) years ago. In fact, he said Dad's bowel was obstructed. (Hence the pain he'd been feeling of late and, probably the source of "gut" pain he's complained of for years...) So we do expect Dad will be feeling much better overall after the surgery heals. He ended up with an ostomy, which we knew. The doc knew we were also concerned about spreading, but couldn't tell us anything yet. He said the tumor was years old, so I don't see that as a good sign, that, and it's size. We'll have to see on that one.

Thursday, my BIL, Bob, visited and said Dad was experiencing a lot of confusion. The nurses ended up calling the family Friday to see if we were ready to bring him home and, though we initially thought this unreasonable, it turned out to be the best choice. Being very confused and hallucinagenic is not uncommon in the elderly after surgery and during a hospital stay.

On Friday, I worked from 8-1 so that Chris and I could go right down (we thought when my earlier hours were planned that we would only be visiting Dad for the afternoon in the hospital) and, though we were reluctant to bring Dad home at first, we soon saw that he was not only doing amazingly well physically, but was REALLY messed up mentally. So we agreed it was best to get him home and in his own familiar surroundings and bed. Chris's sister, Beth, was to come for a week on Saturday, so Chris spent the night with Dad and I came back down in the morning to be there when he woke up and to meet his needs.

Dad did fine and after a fitful beginning, did get some good sleep. Slept til about 11 a.m. He was much more himself - and more in pain after not having meds since the wee hours - so I drugged and fed him and then brought him over to Chris's sister, Kellie's, to stay for the rest of the day. Don't know yet when Beth will get in - today or now Sunday, due to some snow showers.

All in all, I'm so glad that Chris and I were available for Dad this week. We love him dearly and are very concerned about his care and recovery. (Yes, we got taught how to care for his "ostomy" bag and etc. It's not too bad, but I can hardly believe that I'm all caught up with the bathroom needs of yet another parent - the second within a month!)

Being back in my own cozy little den now, though, is very welcome. I have a few things to get ready for church tomorrow and then I am going to totally "crash" in front of the tube. My sweet little Rocky is curled up on my lap even as I'm blogging - keeping me warm since the fire got pretty low with Chris gone overnight.

I think Dad will recover nicely from the surgery. In fact, as I said before, he'll probably be feeling better than he has in a long time. The next hurdle will be facing whether or not the cancer has spread and what to do about it. As the doc said, it's a philosophical question as to whether or not you give chemo to an 83 year old man with a bad heart.....We shall see.

One tough kitty?

That's my Rocky. We think he's 13. And he's still pretty darn frisky. He was doing moves the other night that would make any running back jealous.

Kitties are such creatures of habit. I love that. When I can't depend on anything else, I can depend on Rocky. He comes in the bathroom with me every morning and stands between my legs when I'm sitting you-know-where. Until I pet him for a while. Any time I'm sitting on the couch, he's sure to be plastered against my side. When I lay on my right side in bed, with my right arm bent up to my pillow on the mattress, he always comes and folds his little paw into my palm and then lays the rest of himself on my arm. I love that.

When he was a kitten, I asked a girlfriend to help me name him. I wanted something masculine, so she came up with Rocky. And though he still loves to play (like with ribbon in the picture) and sometimes pretends to ignore me and bites me if I touch his back feet, well, he's really just a little pussy-cat. He loves me as much as I love him. In the photo, he was playing, but I called his name and he looked up at me. And Chris took the shot. He can't resist a chance to be petted and snuggled - by MOI alone. With Chris and Dustin, not so much. Dustin doesn't respect his space. And Chris just sends out "keep away" vibes most of the time. But Rocky and I have an understanding.

He almost died once and I remember just looking at him in the eyes and willing him to live and conveying to him how much I loved him. I think he got it...and he did live. He is one tough kitty.

Milestones!

First, see the SNOW out that window? That's one. Our first snow that's stuck. Well, it ain't much, I know, but it's something. And it's winter and there should be snow!

Second, notice that you can see out that window? Just two days ago you couldn't. B'cause we had our crappy twenty year old fogged up sliding door in there. And now, it's a P E L L A. Take a deep breath with me now. Yes, we own, not one, but two, yes TWO, sturdy, beautiful Pella sliding doors. (The other one's on the other side of the house/deck). Those dang old doors have been driving me nuts for SO long. So thank you, Matthew and Martha, for planning to get married at our house in June, b'cause otherwise, I'm pretty sure we'd be having those old crappy doors for another whole bunch of years...

See? It doesn't take much to entertain me in my simple little life!

This is my latest creation. It's a little mini-tag book I made for my mom for Christmas. The pictures were taken when we all got together in Madison back in May of 06. You can see the whole album here. By the way, my maiden name is "Hall" - hence the play on words in the title of the little book. I really like the quilt theme, which was inspired by the "Family Quilt" sticker on the first page (shown). I love the quote on the last page (shown). It's definitely true about our family!

My next scrappin' project is to design about three different wedding invitation sets for Matthew and Martha to choose from. In fact, I'm going to start that this afternoon.

But I have to run to WalMart. I've been in the house for about 4 days now and I think I need to get outside a little bit. Especially since it's in the upper 40's out there. Nice.

Am I getting tired of being home? Uh, NO!!! I'm just SO relishing this time. And I'm really getting a lot of "stuff" done, too. It's really going to be hard to go back on Monday. Getting up at 5:50 a.m. will be the real killer. I've been sleeping in til about 8:30 a.m. at the earliest. Got in the hot tub this a.m. Lovely. How can I give this up again? It's getting harder and harder.

I'll think about it some more - later...

Happy New Year!

I love a new year. And I love having my computer upstairs in the living room on my desk! It's a change that happened relatively quickly, thanks to Christmas money!

A few weeks ago I told Chris I hated going into our computer room downstairs to work because it was always a mess (out of my comfort zone) and I hated being in a place with no windows and no knowledge of what was going on out in the real world. So we discussed the option of him getting a laptop for downstairs and moving our existing computer up to my desk.

And - voila - there it is! I'm lovin' it. Loving to look out the window, loving that the bathroom and snacks are only a few steps away. And loving that I can hear the sounds of the chimes gently awakened by the wind. It will no longer be such a pain to come home from work and do banking, etc. I can turn on the stereo and work in a lovely, neat space - my OWN! (Did I mention I'm only steps away from my scraproom as well?)

Chris benefits from this change as well because he can now make that dungeon, er, I mean, lower level computing space, into HIS own. He can set up his office down there however he wants. I only need to keep a file cabinet in there, but all the rest is up to his imagination. Ok - NO smoking of any kind down there unless he can feed a pipeline directly from his office to the outside and blow directly into it. (Knowing him, that will be his next project!) :)

My desire to re-organize the whole house is very strong right now. So the question is - scrap or organize. Wow, I HATE these tough choices! So much to think about in the new year...

That makes me HAPPY!

It's Christmas.

It's quiet in this house. I'm the only one awake and I love having the time to myself, to reflect. I look out on the streets of Madison and there's barely a car or a soul stirring. But I'm sure all over the city there are houses full of people, and especially children - that are missing it.

Oh, they're ripping open presents, sipping their "Christmas Blend" coffee, listening to carols on the CD player provide the background music to the pandemonium that's going on. There are parents releasing great sighs of relief that "it's" over. Those last-minute presents they didn't have time to get won't be gotten. No more pushing your way through crazed crowds with glazed-over eyes or circling the mall thirteen times trying to find a parking space. It's over. No more wrapping, running, spending, decorating, mailing, baking. It's over. But they missed it.

It's all so distracting, but we get sucked into it anyway. Even those of us that want to remember. We still unload boxes and boxes of decorations from the attic before the turkey carcass has had a chance to become soup. We shop for electrified fake trees (some of still go cut them down), we untangle yards and yards of hopelessly entangled lights, we risk our lives on ladders some of us shouldn't even be thinking about setting a foot on. We fill every nook and cranny with greenery, fake snow and every trinket that is somehow supposed to represent Christmas. We spend days doing this (well, moms do, anyway).

And we shop. And shop and shop. Money, budgets - bah humbug. C'mon, it's Christmas. We have to go hog wild and get people we love all the "stuff" they want. And how about the people we don't love? We get sucked into buying presents for someone because we know they will get one for us and we can't stand the guilt of not having something for them. Token, meaningless gifts.

How many of us even remember the gifts we recieve a month afterwards? We'll remember when the credit card bill arrives. We'll be reminded of it when we try to find homes for our new acquisitions amongst all the other "stuff" that already occupies places in our living rooms, closets, dens, etc. But soon it will all get absorbed into our material wealth like everything else and - we still will have missed Christmas.

I shut my eyes this quiet morning and remember a story, a beautiful story. A true story. There's a baby. There are loving parents - three of them. There is music. Angelic, joyful, awe-inspiring music. There is a gathering. People have come to see and to worship. There is family. There are gifts. Gifts that weren't purchased. Gifts that are given from the heart. This baby is a gift. This baby has brought us a relationship with His real Father. He's brought us freedom from being a slave to sin. He's brought us eternal life. He brought us a purpose for our lives.

Oh, yes, THIS is Christmas. Remembering that child. That gift. That love that God has for us.

Gifts aren't a bad thing. Music isn't bad. Family gatherings aren't bad. These can be beautiful when they are a reflection of our love and given freely with no strings attached. And when the motivation for them is a simple expression of giving of ourselves.

The decorations? I don't know. We have to stop and ask ourselves, "how is this helping me to focus on the baby, the story, the love? What am I doing all this for? WHO am I doing all this for?" If it's just causing a lot of stress, guilt, feelings of competition, exhaustion, etc., maybe we should re-think all we do... Do less, keep it more simple, more purpose-full.

I pray that today, we can get away from all that distracts us from what Christmas really is supposed to be about. I pray that we can find some quiet moments to thank God for this amazing gift He has given us. I pray that, in the true spirit of Christmas, we can look other-ward, rather than self-ward, that we can give from our hearts. Whether we give a gift, or time or service, or kind words, let us give it from our hearts. And that we can also receive, gratefully and with awe, this gift of life, freedom and eternity God has given us in His little Son. It is the only gift that really matters today - and EVERY day. I wonder where I would be without it. I pray that you will take time today to receive it, be thankful for it, recognize the Giver and enjoy it.

Merry CHRISTmas!

Christmas Eve
is here.

I'm in Madison, WI at my mom's new digs. Nope, no snow here either BUT, there's a bit of a chance for tomorrow - a flake or two could possibly be flying around out there.

I got to have a nice visit with my brother, John yesterday along with my s-i-l Kathy, neice Kelly and nephew Bryan. SO great to see them all. And I hadn't seen the long lost Bryan for quite a few years, so that was really great. He has plans for the future and seems to be doing great. I'm so glad he wanted to come. Of course, I got some photos, but not able to post them yet - didn't bring my camera cable, etc.

I also got to talk to both of my other sibs yesterday. I'll see Barb on Tuesday - can't wait for that.

Mom seems to be recovering well from a nasty fall she took about three weeks ago - went face/head first over her walker in a hotel bathroom and kissed the floor. Only broke a bone on the side of her hand, cut her lip (and required stitches) and bruised her face and ribs. The ribs are still quite sore, but the bruising isn't noticeable anymore. She still needs lots of help, though. Her "girls" have been staying 24/7, but, since I'm here, I opted to go solo in the nursing department. Mom's doing really well at night, so I'm able to sleep fine - in fact was up first this a.m. (hence, the free time to blog). Well, okay, that's because the basket fell off mom's walker and she got hung up on it (i.e. "stuck") and yelled for me (which I strongly encouraged). That was at 6:30 a.m., so when I was still awake (back in bed) at 7 a.m., I surrendered and got up and got a shower and hurried to the quietness of the computer.

The sun should shine today - haven't seen it for a while. We have a brunch here in the dining room around noon and that's it for the big plans. I think we'll watch "A Christmas Story" on TV, as it's running all day.

For now, I've commissioned Chris to, "go ye forth and findeth a Starbucks and returneth not without a tall peppermint mocha.". Do I hear an amen?

Yum!

No, my woods are not on fire!

I went upstairs Wednesday evening to change my clothes to go to our Thanksgiving service at church and looked out the bedroom window and there were these amazing golden streaks happening right out the window (that looks west). I knew what was coming, so ran downstairs, grabbed the camera and ran out in the yard.

Normally, when there's a great sunset coming, I'll run down to the end of the driveway - about 1/4 mile - and shoot photos (or just watch) from down there where there aren't any trees to block the way. But sunsets go fast and I knew I wouldn't have time. So I started snapping and got some good photos and this is just one of 'em. Cool, huh?

I'm "on vacation" right now - Thanksgiving vacation - from work, anyway. And, after my last blog, you know I'm lovin' it. Dad joined us overnight to be here all day for Thanksgiving and Dustin and Judy came up as well. We had a really nice day and a fabulous meal. I'm so thankful to have family gathered around...

Judy and I got this brilliant idea to go out on "black friday" because A.C. Moore offered 60%-off coupon(s). We do have some new (and really nice) stores at our mall, and, I tell you, I've NEVER in my 30+ years of living around here, seen our mall like THIS. Okay, so I don't usually go out on black friday, but I have, and not even that long ago. But this was unbelieveable. We did manage to spend our coupons, but due to a flat tire and Dustin forgetting his keys at our house, our plans for the day got drastically changed. Oh well, I came home and did my dreaded and put-off banking (consisting of bazillions of receipts from when Chris and I did the majority of our Christmas shopping last week). Whew.

I haven't been doing much scrapping lately. A lot of re-arranging and organizing in my room, but not much actual scrapping. And I've been missing it. So today, now that I'm caught up and I have a few hours to spare before going to my dear friend Deborah's 50th (surprise) birthday party, I'm goin to go play... It's all Christmas stuff at this point. But that's okay - since I'm not decorating (since we're going away this year), this will be my way of immersing myself in the Christmas spirit! Okay, I might drag out a few candles - but that's it. So....

...let the Christmas season begin! 

Gray.

It's one of those very drizzly, foggy, gloomy days where you'd just like to curl up on the sofa with a cup of hot tea, a blankie, your kittie curled up next to you and a good read. Oh, how I wish.

I've been saying it out loud a little bit lately. Now let me put it in writing. I want to be home. I'm not talking about a day off. I mean I just want to be a non-working home-body again. The urges are getting stronger and stronger. And it's not just because it's a gray day.

I feel guilty for thinking this. Because I prayed for this job. And God didn't just answer my prayer with some old job. He answered by getting me the most perfect job for me (if I was going to work, I didn't want anything less). And the best boss and a wonderful group of co-workers and an astoundingly beautiful work space. How can I just smack down that wonderful answer to prayer? How ungrateful can I be? How spoiled can I be?

I have reasons, you know. Good reasons. All within God's will, too. And here they are (not necessarily in order of preference):

1. (This is good - how could God not like this one?) I really miss my nice, long quiet times, devotional times. In my p.j. (pre-job) days I could easily spend an hour to an hour and a half in bible reading, bible study and prayer. It was lovely. Now, I'm lucky if I get a chapter read in the morning and prayer time is generally in the car on the way to work. (Luckily, I have a 25 minute, non-trafficky drive.)

2. I never thought I'd be saying this, but - I miss cooking. And meal planning. And eating healthy. And not that Chris isn't doing a good job of providing a few meals a week, but it's often just hit and miss. And I just can't come home from work and cook. Even though I only work 5 hours - it's 98% computer work - and pretty intense at times (except for like now, when I'm blogging...) But, with my lunch hour and the roundtrip, I'm actually gone 7 hours daily. And I'm mentally and physically done when I get home. That's just me. (I don't know how women that work full-time and have kids at home do it!) If I was home full-time, I'd get back into planning meals regularly, shopping for food regularly and cooking regularly. I want to make it healthier, too. And I'd enjoy it. And, believe me, Chris, as much as he says he likes to cook, would enjoy it. He likes to cook at his leisure, not on demand or out of necessity. I think the fun it started out to be for him has worn off. If I was home, we could go back to sharing this task. But at least meals would be planned and shopped for.

3. I'm out of shape. Okay, that's putting it mildly. I used to start work at 10 a.m. instead of 9 a.m., but that hour at the end of the day is ever so much more useful to me than at the beginning. Especially since so many days of the week, I'm not really "done" when I get home. I have our banking and the church banking and ladies bible study (at my house most often) and worship team not to mention putting together the song service and other things like Wednesday church and the occasional odd outside committment. SO, even though I was walking more when I didn't have to be at work til 10 a.m., it was killing me to come home at 4 p.m. instead of 3 p.m. and get right into all that other stuff. Having said all that - NOW (though I come in earlier and get home earlier) I'm not doing one teensy little bit of exercise because there's NO time before work and I'm sacked after work. I've gained more weight. My heel (plantar faciitis) kills me. My stairs often seem like Mt. Everest. My only muscle workout is when I attempt to carry all 10 grocery bags in at once - on the rare occasion when I get groceries. I want to come home so I can get back to work on my fitness level. Just to take regular walks would be such a luxury and such an improvement.

4. Okay - honestly, I NEVER thought I'd say this, but - I want to clean my house. I haven't really cleaned it in the four years that I've been working. Because Saturday is really my only day off (I "work" half of Sunday, too, at church.) I've been loathe to use that one day cleaning! Yuk! Sometimes, because I've laxed off during the week, I have to catch up on banking or song service stuff on Saturday. Sometimes we have plans that day. Sometimes I just crash. But rarely do I spend that time cleaning. Usually the only time I do is if someone is coming over. In fact, having company has been the only thing that has saved us from drowning in dust. Well, the dust the company would see, anyway. There's so much dust upstairs that I wake up congested every morning. Our bedroom floor hasn't seen the bottom of the vacuum cleaner in months. (And then it was probably Chris that ran it.) Yes, Chris does some housework. But pretty much only the bare essentials of cleaning the main-floor floors and keeping the kitchen in somewhat good shape - about once a week. I long to clean out closets, file cabinets, drawers. To dust everything from the fireplace mantel to the far reaches of under our bed. I long to clear stuff out, simplify, purge and re-organize. I long to be the mistress of my home again and get it in ship-shape (much as like myself).

5. Yeah, you knew this one was coming. I want scrap time. Yes, I have Monday nights, but even that's not always a given. Sometimes, I'm just too tired to even scrap! But if I was home - well, I have IDEAS, people! My head is swarming with projects I want to do. Classes I'd like to teach. Maybe even a business I'd like to start. Usually when I start a new hobby, I exhaust my desire to do it in a few months or in a few projects. But this scrapping thing, I tell you, it's been two years now and I just can't get enough. And I keep getting magazines and publications that continue to inspire me. As long as life is happening around me, there's stuff I want to scrap. Not to mention the joy, the peace, the refreshment, the opportunity for expression that it gives me. It's my happy place, my zone, my peaceful place to think, to create, to express, to give, to reflect, to meditate, to relive. And I don't see it as being even remotely wasteful. Because there's always some kind of worthwhile end product. And I think I have talent and gifts in this area. I can share them. This is the hobby that my whole artistic life before has been preparing me for. And I want more, more, more.

6. Last but not least. I think it will help my relationship with Chris. When I asked him what he thought about me quitting my job to come back home full-time, he said he'd think about it. So when I gave him time to do that and mentioned it again a couple weeks later (and, of course, he hadn't though about it yet), he said "do what you want". Okay that little interchange right there can give you a hint that maybe the spark is fluttering a bit, eh? He says he likes to cook. He doesn't complain about having to clean up a lot. But I think it would be downright sexy to him to have me around again, cooking, cleaning, working on myself. Just to be present and not so tired and crabby that most conversation is cavewoman-esque at best. In other words, it couldn't hurt. And it could very well HELP!

Okay, I've put it in writing now. I know this will only increase my longing. But this is a matter of big-time prayer right now. (Yes, I'm bold enough to ask God for more mercy. He knows how I feel, anyway!) So, we'll see what happens, how it works out.

In the meantime, on this very gray day, I'd better get back to work!